Why it Makes Me Mad When Men Talk About Being Sexual Assault Victims

Because I am the victim. I have all these gross experiences that have happened to me and will probably happen again and it’s something that is a part of my everyday life.

Because I want to view men as an enemy. If men are victim’s too, then who can I point my finger at. If we’re both victims of patriarchy, who can we blame?

Think about prison rape. This is something zero people care about. It’s a joke. But it’s still rape. It’s still awful. And its ubiquitous. Even when I read a book that told me these stats it was really hard to make myself care. “It’s their fault… they’re in prison.” Which is bullshit.

Chris Brown says he was a victim of violence when he was a kid. I had bad things happen to me when I was a kid and it turned into self-harm re: my eating disorder. It took me a long time to figure that out. I think Chris Brown tries less hard than me to figure it out, but still, it seems a little bit like a lottery that he turns his issues outward and I turned mine inward.

If women are victims of patriarchy, men are too.

Why does it feel so annoying to acknowledge that?

Tumblr is Wrong for Censoring Eating Disorder Blogs

Tumblr is shutting down blogs that promote self-harm. This means pro-anorexia, pro-bulimia, and pro-self harm blogs are dunzo.

I have to believe this is because of the misconception that these communities are about encouraging people to have eating disorders and causing existing eating disorders to worsen. They are primarily a community of mentally ill people talking about eating disorders with other people who have an eating disorder. I mean, we understand that we are talking about sick people, right? It’s not a well-adjusted sadistic girl sitting behind her computer hoping that people reading her blog will hate themselves for her enjoyment. These kinds of blogs are run by communities of like-minded people. They provide friendship and support to people who are otherwise completely isolated by their disease.

Pro-eating disorder websites do not cause eating disorders. The thing that people can’t look past is someone will post something like “I didn’t eat today!” and people will be supportive and congratulate them. This is what is at stake. People being nice to each other in a misguided way. It’s not great, sure, but why target this very specific kind of violence?

It’s still okay to have a racist blog on Tumblr. It’s still okay to have a blog where you take pictures of people eating and call them fat. In essence, it’s okay to have the kind of blog that causes someone to degenerate into the mental state where they might get an eating disorder, but once they get one we’ll sweep them under the rug unless they only talk about their disease in a manner a bunch of bros unfamiliar with eating disorders find acceptable.

Tumblr, like LiveJournal and many, many other platforms before them is targeting self-harm blogs because they are an easy kill. These blogs are written by primarily young girls who are mentally ill and don’t have the resources to fight back. Think about some bros having MMA blogs on Tumblr; maybe they even beat up their friends for fun. That would also qualify as a harm blog, definitely. There might be longterm physical, mental, and emotional consequences to their actions but this is a non-issue because outward violence is “masculine” and more socially acceptable.

It’s not a secret that this new rule will target primarily women. Sick women that have finally found a community where they don’t feel alone. If you think censoring these websites will lead more women to recovery, consider whether people fought in wars before there was violence on TV. This is shutting down a community where people can talk openly without addressing the (actually evil) blogs that may have caused them to be where they are at. Great job, Tumblr.

ursula: Sexual Assault Prevention Tips Guaranteed to Work


1. Don’t put drugs in women’s drinks.

2. When you see a woman walking by herself, leave her alone.

3. If you pull over to help a woman whose car has broken down, remember not to rape her.

4. If you are in a lift and a woman gets in, don’t rape her.

5. When you encounter a woman who is asleep, the safest course of action is to not rape her.

6. Never creep into a woman’s home through an unlocked door or window, or spring out at her from between parked cars, or rape her.

7. When you lurk in bushes and doorways with criminal intentions, always wear bright clothing, wave a flashlight, or play “Boys Who Rape (Should All Be Destroyed)” by the Raveonettes on a boombox really loud, so women in the vicinity will know where to aim their flamethrowers.

8. USE THE BUDDY SYSTEM! If it is inconvenient for you to stop yourself from raping women, ask a trusted friend to accompany you when lurking in shadows.

9. Carry a rape whistle. If you find that you are about to rape a woman, you can hand the whistle to your buddy, so s/he can blow it to call for help.

10. Give your buddy a revolver, so that when indifferent passers-by either ignore the rape whistle, or gather round to enjoy the spectacle, s/he can pistol-whip you.

11. Don’t forget: Honesty is the best policy. When asking a woman out on a date, don’t pretend that you are interested in her as a person; tell her straight up that you expect to be raping her later. If you don’t communicate your intentions, the woman may take it as a sign that you do not plan to rape her.

I laughed really hard at this. Should I have? I guess the point is that preventing rape is as easy as… not raping someone and most ‘sexual assault prevention’ tips focus on telling women what they need to do. You know, feel scared all the time, don’t dress like a slut, don’t get drunk, be alone, etc. I like these tips better.

On a larger level, I think preventing sexual assault can only be done by changing our systematic attitudes. Like, if guys weren’t told they have to be masculine all the time and that violence is masculine so the way for them to get their identity back is to become more violent. But this is a post in itself. I’ll write it, I promise.

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