50 Things Real Adults Do That I Don’t Do

1. Make their bed
2. Own a pet or a child
3. Have a stress-free conversation with the mechanic
4. Have more than one set of sheets
5. sAvInGs aCcOuNt
6. Wear jewelry
7. Decorate their homes for holidays
8. Remember birthdays
9. Know what they are going to eat for a meal more than 5 minutes out
10. Pack lunches
11. Stay in hotels on vacation instead of your friend’s cool floor
12. Watch TV news
13. Networking
14. Have a landline
15. Care about their friend’s babies
16. Drive to bars
17. Live in the suburbs
18. Avoid taking public transportation
19. Get enough sleep
20. Go to church > ~1x/year
21. Get their cars detailed
22. Mow a lawn
23. Use coupons
24. Bake things for people at work
25. Make conversation with adult strangers
26. Haven’t convinced their 11 year old cousin they personally know Justin Bieber
27. Shower before work + blow dry hair
28. Natural look make-up
29. Paint their nails with neutral colors
30. Wear sandals that aren’t metallic flip-flops
31. Matching place settings
32. Own “place settings”
33. Ask their dads for a favor without using a baby voice
34. Wash clothes after each wear
35. Use wash clothes
36. Use shapewear
37. Invest
38. Refer to things as “investments”
39. Feel ambivalent about getting something for free
40. Subscribe to magazines they read regularly instead of buying them each month at the newsstand price
41. Return library books
42. Scrapbook
43. Feel a genuine curiosity about the different types of wine
44. Correct grammar
45. Send faxes
46. Keep important documents in a file cabinet/not throw them away in a feng shui attack
47. Grow plants recreationally
48. Vote for Republicans
49. Watch network television shows
50. Dream about retirement

Photo Credit

How We Differ

So we have wanted to write something for awhile called, like, “How Effing Different We Are OMG” but that seemed kinda self-congratulatory and needless. But for real, we think it’s both funny and kind of enlightening to know that the two of us really are vastly different. We have different interests, different styles, different behaviors, different preferences, and though we’re kind of joined at the hip we rarely do the same thing on Saturday nights. For real.

This weekend I was reading a mommy blog (I know… I can’t help it) that was one of those trite “what’s in my bag” things so I decided it could be funny and telling to show the difference between us based on the contents of our purses.

Here ya go:

Purse 1:

Things of note:

  • blush brush
  • two lipglosses
  • mascara duo
  • hot pink iPhone
  • hot pink camera
  • earphones
  • free cover at some bro bar
  • Ativan
  • gel pens
  • tanning goggles
  • Betsy Johnson wallet
  • current read: High Fidelity
  • notebook (for writing 1G blogs)

Things of note:

  • basic black wallet purchased at Target
  • cash
  • change
  • VIP button from when I covered a fashion show for a local arts publication and then I met my last boyfriend while still mistakenly wearing it and felt like a huge douchebag/worried maybe that’s actually why he liked me
  • two lighters (gotta make sure you’re covered)
  • USB drive (nerd)
  • Delta airlines complimentary chapstick (given by ex-boyfriend who said my lips are always “disgustingly chapped” or something)
  • car key (VW love amirite *kill me*)
  • safety pin cuz I’m practical
  • leopard head ring cuz I’m a cool bitch
Live. Laugh. Love. (Puke).

It began as one of those quotations you see on your friend’s Facebook page incorrectly attributed to someone like Plato, Nietzsche, Marilyn Monroe or James Dean. It seemed like an innocent philosophy at first. We next encountered the Live Laugh Love enigma on Tumblr, superimposed over images of waterfalls, sunsets, and unicorns smiling and holding kittens with flower diadems draped over their heads. Things got ugly at that point. Our coworkers brought LLL plaques to work to place on their desks, uncovering that they too had fallen at the feet of all that is ineffectual but cute.

In order to better understand the ethnographic details of the LLL girl I present for our mutual edification a non-exhaustive list of things that make you an LLL girl:

Being “so excited” about the new Rachel McAdams movie
Using mainstream rap lyrics for Facebook album titles
Hibiscus flower decals
Yoga pants uggs and north face
Audrey Hepburn
Girls nights!
Sushi nights!
Using a hair straightener
James Dean posters
Marilyn Monroe posters
Italian kitchen themed plaques (i.e. wine glasses, “Cucina Italiana”)
“Keep calm and….” (substitute in: drink martinis, go shopping, trust God, have a cupcake)
Mommy blogs
Having an Etsy shop
Hot pink
Lancome Juicy Tubes lipgloss
Multiple framed pictures of your girls nights in your office
Country music
Tan skin of any sort
Updating Facebook statuses with lyrics or “new favorite songs”
Getting married
Seven jeans
Trips to Mexico/florida/las Vegas
Corinthians 13:4-8 quotes about love (i.e. “love is patient, love is kind…”)
Studying abroad for “j-term”, and constantly referring to it as “when I studied abroad…”
Bedazzled martini glasses (traditionally found on bookshelves by picture frames that say LLL)
Pink versions of athletic jerseys/apparel
Telling guys you “love sports”

Having a “quotes” board on pinterest
Discovering pinterest within the last month
Shows on the CW (i.e. vampire diaries, supernatural, hart of dixie, one tree hill)
Grey’s Anatomy
Interests on facebook: “hanging out with friends, listening to music, hanging out with my boyfriend, tanning, working out”
Quotes about God/Jesus/Faith
“You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep reading the last one” and other cliches
D&G Light Blue perfume

Working in HR
Cover Girl makeup past middle school
Wearing tiaras in public

“The Bachelor”
Referring to your friends as “the bitches” (or any other version of that)
Jewelry that matches (i.e. matching necklace and earrings)
Wall decals (i.e. “always kiss me goodnight”)
Loving the Kardashians (the people and the shows)
Sweatpants with words across the ass
Only going downtown for bachelorette parties and birthdays
“going out” tops (aka tank tops with lace around the top and bottom and sequins)
Owning a martini-centric drink recipe book, and having it laid out to “look cute”
Being “conservative”

Thanks to Kara Nesvig and Laleh Akhavi for inventing the term “LLL” and contributing most of this list! Photo Credit.

Important Announcement

So if you follow us on Twitter you might have already heard of our upcoming new project, Twee Bitch Magazine. We can’t give you all the details now, but we can say that we are looking for several team members to assist with content and production. For now, here’s what you can do:

  • Send us pictures of twees in their native habitat. This is huge, and where we could use the most help. We can’t use images other people own, so if you happen to be twee yourself or you see one at the park, local French bistro, recycled fabric store, or tea garden, snap a pic and send it our way!
  • We are also looking for 1 - 2 interns who will basically be responsible for fielding questions, compiling content, and may even be able to sit in on art direction meetings. In this case you should send your resume as well as an e-mail explaining who you are and why you’re interested in being a part of Twee Bitch Magazine.
  • Writers: eventually when things are up and running (which hopefully will be soon) we need writers to contribute edgy content on the nature of twee and the twee lifestyle as you understand it. Send us a short (~500 word) writing sample that addresses this question: “What is a twee bitch?”
  • Graphic design. We need someone with da skillz to put this together. We can probably pay you by sending you something from my drugs/adhesive bras/condoms drawer.

Please direct all submissions and inquiries to philolzophy [at] gmail [dot] com. We promise to read and respond directly to all submissions received, so please, if you have any interest at all be sure to take the time to put something together for us. The more creative the better — we are at the formative stages and you could help shape what TBM ultimately becomes.

Looking forward to what you come up with!