Millennials are too stupid to read, obviously.

Recently clicked on this article, entitled “What Do Millennials Read” when it showed up on my Twitter newsfeed.  Why?  Because I am a millennial (aged 20-something) and I enjoy reading a great deal.  As someone with an overflowing bookcase who is constantly loaning out books to my friends, the title piqued my interest.

The article is from, a news blog founded by former professional journalists that became victims of the bad economy and a failing print news industry.  Aka, it should be reputable.  Its tagline is ‘A Thoughtful Approach to the News.’  Which should mean that its contributors think before they write and don’t blindly jump on bandwagons, right?

Guess not.

This is what contributor Audra Otto had to say on the subject:

Millenials [sic] are infamous for their short, 140-characters-or-less attention spans.

In a world defined by video clips, emails, texts, tweets, posts, and pokes, some observers wonder if 20- and 30-somethings can concentrate long enough to read books anymore.

We’d like to think so. We at least hope so.

Whether it’s a Kindle e-book or a worn-out hardcover; whether page-turning during the work commute or while sitting on the john; we want to know what you’re reading.

Assure us you’re doing more than tweeting, boozing, and streaming episodes of “Burn Notice” in your spare time. Tell MinnPost which books you’ve read lately and which titles you’ve been recommending to others.

Dear Audra Otto, great job proving that you’re a ‘real journaist’ by jumping on the bandwagon recently popularized by the likes of Fox News and the New York Post (great journalistic idols) and taking a huge shit on millennials.

I learned a lot about journalism from Audra Otto. For instance, did you know that to be a true journalist you must make broad generalizations about a group of people, even when what you are writing doesn’t require you to?  In pushing these stereotypes you should be sure to only repeat what others have said without adding any original ideas or facts to back up your claims.  Be sure to ask for the help of people you say are too busy ‘tweeting, boozing, and streaming episodes of Burn Notice’ to respond. 

Before I realized how stupid/technologically-hynotized I am, I thought about what I might have answered.

I recently finished two books, both of which I would recommend:

Richard Yates by Tao Lin
The Gay Science by Friedrich Nietzsche

Other books that I consistently recommend:

Cat’s Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut
Siddhartha by Herman Hesse
A Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde

Lin?  Vonnegut?  Nietzsche?  LOL, what a stereotypical millennial hipster I am! 

I find it incredibly offensive that Otto—whether for the laughs, because it’s fashionable to pick on millennials, or because it actually represents her viewpoint—would assert that millennials cannot possibly be well-read because their use of technology and the internet somehow precludes that.  How does she think I even found her article?  Via Twitter, duh?  The fact that I check Twitter a few times a day does not imply that I don’t also find time to read or pursue other non-technological, intellectual pursuits.  Normally it would be ‘beneath me’ to point out that she misspelled the name of generation, but in this case I think it only solidifies how out-of-touch and unfamiliar with millennials she actually is.

Can I call for a fucking moratorium on millennial bashing already?

Important life lessons learned from pop music.

I was a latch-key kid so all the lessons I’ve learned in life I’ve learned through pop music or reality TV.  For the Gen Z-ers out there I’ve tried to make it easy by compiling the lessons I’ve learned below.

"If at first you don’t succeed dust yourself off and try againt" (Aaliyah)
Life lesson: You can do anything you set your mind to.  So long as you stop short of going on a crazy coked-out airplane joyride (mssu Aaliyah)

"No one’s gonna lift you up to get into the place where you belong" (Ace of Base)
Life lesson: Make it work or stfu.

"If I get on top, you’re gonna lose your mind." (Britney Spears)
Life lesson: Self-explanatory.

"Buzz so big I could probably sell a blank disk" (Drake)
Life lesson: Sometimes branding is more important than the actual product.

“I got 99 problems but a bitch ain’t one” (Jay-Z)
Life lesson: The only time it’s not offensive to use the blanket term ‘bitches’ when undoubtedly referring to a woman.

"But baby we don’t have to fight, cause I don’t want this love to feel like a battlefield." (Jordin Sparks)
Life lesson: No smarties want to fight in relationships. Therefore approach every fight trying to win-win.

All the lyrics to “New Workout Plan” (Kanye)
Life lesson: Everything you need to know about dieting.  Or if you’re a man, a glimpse into the typical woman’s self-esteem (I’m not anti-feminist, it’s your fault.)

“Ain’t got no money but I’m already here” (Ke$sha)
Life lesson: Don’t worry about the future, just worry about now.  Also it is okay to get belligerently drunk and then brag about it.

"People tell me slow my roll, I’m screamin’ out ‘fuck that’" (Kid Cudi)
Life lesson: Fuck haters.

"I’m down like the economy" (Lil’ Wayne); "It’s a recession and dancing is free" (Ke$ha, in an interview)
Life lesson: If the most over-indulgent pop stars can tell you that the economy is bad, it’s finally okay to admit it.  Miss u Jay-Z-wave when we all had to pretend we were still rich and happy (in the ironic sense, of course).

"Initiating slut mode" (Robyn)
Life lesson: Sometimes if you just talk yourself into it, you can talk him into it to.

"You can’t always get what you want" (The Rolling Stones)
Life lesson: You can’t always get what you want.

"Don’t hang me up just to let me down"  (The Rolling Stones)
Life lesson: Manage peoples expectations of you or become someone’s lil bitch

"A taste of honey’s worse than none at all" (Smokey Robinson)
Life lesson: It’s easier to count someone out than get involved and fail.  Evaluate wisely.

"And you give yourself away" (U2)
Life lesson: Welcome to being alive.