Watch Jersey Shore.
Think about determinism. Think about the arbitrariness of fame. Think about racism in white culture. Think about informal fallacies and their relationship to cultural stereotypes.
Blog something like Five Things About Free Will I Learned From Snooki.
1. Snooki was destined to want to bang a guido via her upbringing (nature vs. nurture muuhhhhfuckkkkkas).
2. While this may be true of many guidettes, Snooki was charasmatic enough to garner millx followers and her brand has ~*maximum rebloggabiilty*~
3. Snooki wears fuzzy slippers because she knew via her appearance + our culture that she could go farther as the cute/non-threatening one who wore weird pajamas vs being the “sex object” (JWOWW). Her untraditional beauty (4’9”, jaundice) requires her to be ~*totes likeable*~ vs. Jenni who is aggressive and mean but we all want to bang her.
4. The Situation’s 6 pack (is it more than that?) evolved from his insecurity. By creating a body that would be viewed one-dimensionally as ‘lust object’ and constantly lifting his shirt mid-conversation to bring the focus back to this he ensures that there can never be a ‘question’ about him as a human being (versus a character) because the only analysis/line of reasoning one arrives at is “is Mike a lust object,” and the answer is a concrete yes. On the other hand, Snooki’s poof immediately identifies her with a niche audience that will not question her values, because they are shared. To the rest of the world, she’s just another girl with a poof. She may be inconsequential, but whatever judgment we throw her way falls on the shared shoulders of every ‘girl who wears a poof.’
5. If Snooki had free will she’d be married to some five foot nine Italian dude who wanted to pump her full of tomatoes and garlic and shallots and semen and tiny Italian-American babies and whateverthefuckelse. But these desires were implanted in her by her culture so even if she makes this choice freely, the desires which lead to the choice were determined by an outside force.
Kind of hate myself.
Blog something about hating myself. Receive a moderate amount of Tumblr feedback. Receive two text messages the next day saying, “Hey, are you chill…?”
Think about quitting blogging.
Write something about quitting blogging. Receive an atypical 2 likes. Worry that rather than sympathizing these people actually want me to quit. Don’t check Tumblr for three days. Pretend I’m over it.
Snooki post gets tons of hits. Feel sad that my life is about writing Snooki posts. Write about feeling sad that my life is about writing Snooki posts.
Relevant Tumblr ‘likes’ angsty Snooki post. Feel irrationally affirmed. Text the other Lolz Doll something weird like, “Omg the Village Voice liked our post, stay strong bb.” Blog mojo restored.
Lather, rinse, repeat.