Other Laws Virginia Might Want to Pass Now That Women Are Required to Get an Ultrasound Before an Abortion

Before putting on a condom you must apologize out loud to your sperm. 

After making a haircut appointment you must wait a mandatory minimum ten day period during which you are required to ask at least a half dozen judgmental older females how you would look with your new haircut.

Before eating a cheeseburger you must view a picture of the cow the meat came from and give it a name. An amendment will propose that you must also spend ten minutes looking into the cow’s eyes and then caressing it as it is electrocuted.

Before approving any new tax cuts members of Congress must go to a homeless shelter and kick a poor person in the teeth on live television.

Before using your bank’s automatic online bill pay service all Virginian citizens must apologize to God and/or Jesus for utilizing worldly technology and relying on monetary solutions instead of prayer.

Before downloading an MP3 you must send a detailed letter of apology to the families of those who lost their jobs when CDs became passe.

Every time you say the word “Katrina”—even when simply speaking to a human being named Katrina—you must give blood and/or some stock options to the Red Cross.

Whenever you’re considering routinely cutting your finger or toe nails you must ask your Facebook friends and Twitter followers whether they’d like to have them before you throw them away.

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