PhiLOLZophy Reviews Breaking Dawn Part 1
I know this movie came out like three months ago but duh I waited until it was at the redbox accross the street and I could watch it sometime really tragic like alone on Valentines day. Full disclosure: I have read all four Twilight books and the unpublished, partially finished manuscript for another one. I enjoyed them, but its like fast food for your brain, you know. They aren’t nutritious and should be enjoyed sparingly.
Anyways, my impression of the film series so far is that I can’t understand why such a high profile franchise didn’t get people that can act better. Is acting really difficult? Are there only like 10 people that can do it? Why else do we have to watch real Hollywood movie with bad acting? I want to like Taylor Lautner a lot because they were going to fire him after the first movie but he worked really hard on his body, so they didn’t. Kristin Stuart is probably a good Bella, but she exemplifies everything that is annoying about her. Rpatz I like because I related a lot to his character in Remember Me and I spent probably 40 minutes crying after the movie ended. I actually can’t really tell if he is a really good actor or bad though.
So the basic plot is that Edward and Bella get married and have sex which is really hard because he is a vampire and she is human and he might not be able to control himself and might hurt her. Sorry women are so fragile and helpless bb. Idg why she can’t just blow him a little bit and see how it goes. Whatever. So then Bella gets pregnant with some half-vamp baby and its probably going to kill her but she loves it too much to abort it. Y’all know the author is a mormon right?
There is a non-ironic scene in which CGI wolves argue with each other through telekinesis that is legit going to become this generation’s no more wire hangers ever classic campy movie scene.
There’s some fights between the vamps and the wolves that felt really contrived because they didn’t happen in the books so I already knew they were filler plot because all that happens in the whole storyline is Bella gets knocked up and has this baby. In the end this is just not as cool as it could be. The story is really slow moving and consists mostly of pained faces made by Lautner, Stewart, and RPatz. I like my guilty pleasures to be a little guiltier. Pls try harder next time!
