The Shortest First Date in the History of the World
I met a cute boy in a bar. He wore an American Apparel hoodie which I really liked because I like to play with zippers when I’m drunk. I kept trying to zip it up over his face which made him laugh really hard. He asked for my number and he was hot and really sweet/dopey so I gave it to him.
After a few days of texting we decided that we would go to a bar in my neighborhood and hang out. The big day came. I wore my lucky dress and spent a lot of time talking myself out of a new color of eyeshadow.
He was supposed to come pick me up at 8. At 7:50 I took an Ativan because I started getting that vertigo kind of nervousness. At 8:10 I was sitting at my kitchen pretending to page through a Victoria’s Secret catalog when he called. He was “really lost.” I live exactly one block off of the most iconic road in the whole city, that goes through my neighborhood, downtown, and the neighborhood after that with many recognizable landmarks around. It’s an idiot-proof address and this weirded me out a little.
He called again five minutes later, he was evidently walking around my neighborhood trying to find me. He insisted I go outside and look for him. It was barely above zero and I refused several times before going out. We talked on the phone while he parked his car and started walking around. I was teasing him about how weird it was that he was so lost. He was talking really fast and seem really flustered but I figured he was nervous.
Finally I saw him talking to me on his phone across the street. He hugged me and we walked back into my apartment so I could grab my bag. In my entry way I could finally see him in the light. He looked clean but he was holding the wall for support. I asked him if he was okay. He tried to kiss me and I backed up a little bit and noticed the open Coke can in his hand. I asked him if he was drinking. He explained that he had because he was nervous. He seemed really uneasy on his feet. I asked him if he was high. He said he was and I could be too if I wanted.
I asked him to go to his car to get me some of his stuff. I followed him down to the front door of my building, ensuring that the door closed all the way behind him. I went back upstairs and locked and deadbolted my door. I called him and told him to just go home. I felt like I was on glue. It was now 8:26.
