If You Want To Feel Safe On The Internet, You’re Doing It Wrong



If you want to feel “safe,” you do not value learning, it’s as simple as that.

This is like asking an athlete to train for the Olympics without going through the pain and discomfort of exercising.

I wrote about how catering to people who “get offended” hurts everyone.



I realize we haven’t blogged in forever so I wanted to write an update for the (few) people who care about why. 

We are still best friends. We are still snarking on MTV over gchat everyday. We are still trying to figure out boys and life.

I guess the difference is we both have jobs we love right now, which demand our creative energy whereas before we had all this pent-up creativity we needed an outlet for and now we are kind of focused on being awesome at our day jobs.

Here’s us in the DJ booth at First Ave last month #RIPTML:

We are working on a secret and really awesome phiLOLZophy project that we really hope sees the light of day. Please ask the universe to bless us with fame and fortune via this venture. <3


Just wanted to say HI! and WE LOVE U! to any of the 350k people following us who might care. :)

Love you.


"why don’t you have your homework?"



It is easy to criticize a sensationalist talk show for, say, giving a neo-Nazi a platform to voice hateful rhetoric. But by exposing these sorts of people rather than censoring them, these shows reveal the underlying inconsistencies in their doctrines. Instead of appearing frightening, these people’s platitudes appear as inane as they really are.
- Douglas Rushkoff  (via quotecatalog)

It brings me back to 2006 when my friend and I were kneeling on the floor in adjacent stalls at a suburban Taco Bell, alternatively holding hands and puking. We knew each other well enough to know we’d both had “eating issues” in the past, but that applies to most girls, honestly, and the stories are told with a narrative of having reached full and final recovery, always. We were both 21 and living in a shitty house and doing just enough to not get swallowed up by the enormity of our respective post-college neurotic avalanches. We didn’t speak, or plan our twisted means of catharsis. We found each other without words, synchronized as if our muscle memory knew the same choreography. http://tcat.tc/1fM72jv

Ups and Downs

Anxiety is like wading in one of those lakes where there’s a no swimming sign because there are huge drop offs in the water. You ignore the sign because you’re too strong of a swimmer to be afraid. Until you hit the drop off.

This Asshole Told My Beautiful Friend She Was Fat

Brianna Wiest is a girl I work with at Thought Catalog. Before I met her I saw pictures of her on the internet (like twitter avatar, etc) and I thought she was stunning. When I met her I was like damn, she is one of those girls that just looks naturally good all the time. We were roommates for three days last month and slept in the same bed (by choice, she’s the best) so I think it’s safe to say I am familiar with what she looks like first thing in the morning, etc, etc, etc.

So, this is a thing an actual human person said today:


For the blissfully unaware, SIF means “secret internet fatty.”

Here are the photos in question:




It’s hard to believe that Roosh (real name Daryush Valizadeh) woke up today and discovered that professional photos (the first is by the talented Noah Kalina) look different than candid snapshots, so I think he knows the difference and is expecting his followers to be too stupid to realize the obvious contrast? Who knows, he’s just sitting back and jerking off to the feelings he perceives himself to be hurting.

IDK here’s his twitter, I encourage you to give him feedback on his life choices.

The Biggest Lessons I Learned in 2013

Newsflash: I’m kind of old. I’m not that old, but definitely old enough to be most of your mothers. 

Not to frighten those of you with a lot more life to live before you reach my age, but 25 to 27 were probably the hardest, worst years of my life. (My co-blogger and I talk about this all the time; 20 to 22 should have been the hardest but we were just so dumb and so enabled by our other dumb friends that it kind of went okay.)

Here are the biggest lessons I learned this last year that might not seem monumental, but trust me, are worth paying attention to:

1. Retaliating diminishes you, not them. I keep catching myself saying in jest, “If I was 20 I’d have done X.” But jokes aside, the sooner you learn that fighting back—especially to people you perceive have said or done hurtful things but you can’t be certain—gives up rather than fortifies the upper hand, the better off you’ll be. Recently some conniving chick who has been jocking on my boyfriend since like 2005 text messaged him a bunch of shit presuming I wasn’t aware of it. Girl, I’m 29. You’re clumsy. You’re casual. I wanted to read her the riot act, but what good does that do? Nothing. I stopped being angry in about 20 hot seconds and there’s no residual damage or embarrassment to deal with. Move along.

2. Coming up off someone else’s failure will never pay off. In your adult life you will be presented with a lot of opportunities to make yourself look better at someone else’s expense. That might buy you the recognition you’re looking for in the moment, but you’ll cement yourself as manipulative and untrustworthy. Everyone will be better off if you succeed based on your own ability and merit, and as an added plus you won’t wake up with anxiety dreams or the yucky feeling that you’re about to be found out any second.

3. Coming up off anybody period is gross. Be real, be you, don’t copy someone else or try to leech off of people you admire. Earlier this year a “famous cat” (lol so hard that that’s even a thing I’m saying out loud as a mostly-grown woman) I met through work friended me on Instagram and I’ve probably had more than two dozen wannabe cats friend me on Instagram as a result. Get your own game.

4. You will always find a way. No matter how miserable or screwed or hopeless I’ve ever felt, I’m still here and kickin’. It will work out one way or the other. You might have to make some sacrifices or ask for help or downsize or confess or give in or otherwise embrace humility, but you’ll find a way. So take your circumstances seriously, but don’t lose your head. It will be okay.

5. You’re not alone. As lonely as you might feel, there’s someone there who cares for and about you. Even if it’s a stranger on the internet, someone will listen. Might even be me. :)

6. It’s okay to be alone. By contrast, it’s okay to be alone too. As an extrovert one of the hardest things for me is being alone with my thoughts. I’d do just about anything to be distracted from my internal monologue. But with enough practice I can tell you it will be just fine. Just breathe, meditate, relax.

7. I bet they care less than you do. Biggest thing I’ve learned in the last year or so is that whomever you are so worried about impressing or pleasing probably cares a lot less than you do. Not to diminish your feelings, but to point out the simple fact that you’ve probably blown up the situation to be ten times worse than it actually is. Chill out, it will be okay.